Dradis Approved Quality Fan Fic

Two of a Kind: Lee's Lament (1/2)
by Larry Edwards

Characters - Lee Adama POV
Relationship L/K
Rating - T+
Word Count: 4270
Archiving - BSG 2003, Apollo/Starbuck Fan Fic, Dradis Quality Fan Fiction Award, all other's please ask
Warnings - Angst, Innuendo, and possibly incarceration.
Spoilers - Season 1, from Colonial Day, Kobol's Last Gleaming Part 1 & Kobol's Last Gleaming Part 2
Visit Larry's excellent website for more fanfic and for really good Battlestar Galactica videos.
Author Contact - l.edwards@gci.net

Author's Note: This is a first for me, first person writing. We'll see how it goes. This is made to fill in some gaps as I see it in Colonial Day, KLG 1 and 2. If this works I might after the next season starts make a part 2. The first part is Lee's POV and the 2nd one is from Kara's POV making transitions between each other.

Thanks to Judy & my wife for being my betas and doing a fantastic job of helping and inspiring me on it!

Disclaimers - Battlestar Galactica and its characters are the property of someone much richer than me and I don't make money from these stories so please don't sue.

Summary - From the morning after the party till Starbuck's jump to Caprica, and the improvised attack on the Cylon Basestar.

The coolness of the air is kind of nice on my face, I think while idly rubbing my jaw, gently probing the points of pain that intensify with pressure. I know I'll probably have her knuckle prints on my face. A picture of Kara Thrace comes unbidden to me, Lieutenant in the Colonial Fleet - my assailant. Sure I hit her, but she struck me first. I know it sounds cruel and wrong but I think with some satisfaction that my return shot hurt more. I've got to get it through to Kara that besides being her friend, I, Captain Lee Adama, am the C.A.G. and not her competition.

"Frak," I murmur through a groan of pain that radiates from my face and upper body. Today there was a line ready to kick my ass, first my father then my - best friend, best pilot – she is the best of everything to me, and yes, the worst. Well it won't be long before word travels about what happened on the flight deck. Shaking my head to clear the image of the incident, I walk into the latrine and head towards the sink with its mirror above. I study myself, grimacing at the image staring back. Yes that'll leave a mark. Oh well, at least it goes with the eye. Why do they always go for my face? Pushing away from the sink, leaving the latrine unused I make my way slowly to my quarters. Thoughts of last night's party return.

She was a vision; I didn't even realize that I was holding my breath until I felt the tightness in my chest and consciously released it. Kara was the most gorgeous woman there, I thought. My appreciation and desire had deepened when I saw her. Blue was her color. Had she been wearing that dress for me? I hoped so.

"So... ummm... that bum knee of yours is looking pretty good." I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. "And the other one's not too bad either." The last part comes out lamer than I expected as I feel unsure. Or is it insecure?

"Lee..." Kara's stunning smile and the way she said my name made me shiver inside. "If you want to ask me to dance, just ask." Right to the point, no camouflage or possible misinterpreted meanings, and I stepped up to the challenge. I could smell the delicate and sensual fragrance she was wearing and that made my smile broaden.

"Wanna dance?" I felt free and happy - something I hadn't felt in a long while. We looked at each other for a moment before she answered.

"You know this dress is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity." I wonder now if I had missed the double meaning in the statement, or was it another challenge? Well, at that moment all was right with the world.

I couldn't believe it was coming true. Of course, I should have studied dancing as much as I studied tactics, because my lack of experience showed. But Kara was still smiling - just smiling for me. Looking intensely into each other's eyes, we were completely alone on the dance floor, and I felt...

"May I cut in?" The connection was broken and I stared, irritated and dismayed, into the dark inscrutable eyes of my one rival, Dr. Gaius Baltar. Shady seemed like a good word for him, and so was devious, oily and unreliable. For me, at that moment, that was being charitable. I could only watch as Kara turned on that wonderful, warm alluring smile that had just moments before been reserved just for me. My hands tightened into fists and my jaw stiffened as she danced away with him. I could have stopped her, why didn't I?

Because it has to be her decision as well.

I could feel throngs of joyful people surrounding me in celebration and I needed out of the crowd. Within moments, my purposeful strides had carried me to the edges of the dance floor. I a couple of them had been bold enough to say so. All I could do was watch the two of them dance and drink. My joy turned to ash as I watched her laugh with him.

I didn't belong there. That was obvious as I watched them in vain, hoping for a moment in which something would change, she would miss me and return. She didn't. I turned on my heel, suddenly feeling tired. I had to get away from the laughter, festivity, and people in general. She didn't need or want me. The door slid shut between me and my fantasy and like a candle blown out by the wind; the cool fading wisp is me - alone in the darkness again.

What was I thinking about to go and confront her about him? Did I care? The short answer is yes. Does it bother me? Sighing deeply running a hand over my eyes. It always has, from the very first time. Am I a prude? Not really, it doesn't bother me if my pilots have affairs - just her. Is it unfair? Hell yes. Am I in love with her? Well - yes. Could she ever love me? Now that's the million cubit question and I sure wouldn't take any odds on it today.'

Walking into the pilots' quarters I aim for the recreation room. Once there, I glance around, returning the nods to the ones who acknowledge my presence. No Kara of course, but better - no Gaius. I feel a certain amount of animosity and wonder if we wouldn't be better off without him. Of course that could be the green eyed monster making its rounds. I really need to reevaluate what level of relationship I want with Kara.

No, I know what I want; I need to figure out what I can have. Sitting down at an empty card table, a deck of triad cards catches my eye, not even glancing up when someone sits down next to me.

"Hi Captain Adama." The voice pulls me from my reverie and glancing up with a slight start to see a Lieutenant in the dark blue duty uniform of the fleet. I couldn't even remember her name but I did remember the face. Soft with classical flowing lines of beauty written about in Caprican classical poetry, her light brown hair was tied back per regulations but it was silky smooth and dropped past her shoulders. Her eyes were a warm, bright, golden brown, slightly narrowed in worry while searching my face for something. "I'm sorry to state the obvious but you like you've had an eventful morning." Her dulcet tones, smooth and warm, seem to hint at a promise of more to come, though not as forward as she was last night.

"Well, you should see the other guy." I slightly shrug my shoulders, my lips in a tight smile. Great, all I need is a reminder of last night and today. "How are you doing?" I was searching for her name and still came up blank, though hoping someone would drop her name or jog my memory. I watch as her smile widens and she leans forward a little.

"It's been a little kinder to me." She gently lifts a hand as if to caress my face. "I've thought about you since last night and wondered if you wanted to get together later?"

I look into her eyes and I know I am in trouble. She was soft and sensual in her beauty; willing in her countenance, lithe and graceful in her presence. She was the perfect woman for most men with a heartbeat and regular brain waves. Where I was in trouble was that while somewhat physically attracted her - she wasn't my type. It occurred to me that I had turned down most chances for a relationship because they didn't seem to be my type. I could never quite lock down my type until now. A little rough around the edges but sexy, willful in body and soul, yet within the hardness was a softness that was so much truer than the vision in front of me. My type didn't just include Kara, it was only Kara. I try to be gentle as I intercept her hand, shaking my head to stop her before she could reach my face and it seems all of a sudden as if the room had become silent. I open my mouth to apologize and try to gently explain why I'm not interested when something drew my eyes to the entrance of the room and I saw Kara standing there frozen, her eyes creased with surprise and she said something so soft I couldn't hear it even in the still room. My thoughts spin as I now understand that the silence is real and everyone is watching us with wide cautious eyes as if waiting for an explosion. However, in that brief moment Starbuck turns on her heels and leaves. All I can do is close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"I am sorry but I can't; it's not your fault but I'm not interested." I can't help but wince at how it lame it sounds and open my mouth to say more, hoping against hope I wouldn't be sinking faster, but I soon feel her other hand on mine and see her face blush in embarrassment.

"It's okay, Captain. I'm sorry for causing a scene. I didn't mean to cause any troubles for you - I was under the impression you were unattached." She lets go of my hand and I nod in understanding as my eyes look again towards the now empty doorway.

"No, it's not your fault." Cocking my head to the side and giving her a small, almost sad smile. "You are right though; I am unattached."Self-conscious that everyone was watching and probably listening to every word I had just spoken, I stand up. "I've got to go and work on some paperwork." She gives small, arm conspiratorial smile.

"Don't let her get away, Captain Adama." Her voice is filled with good wishes. I can only wince, mentally knowing that everyone had heard that last part and shaking my head I whisper softly and truthfully, "I'm not her type."

Without any other words or meeting of eyes I leave the room as quietly and quickly as I can. But she is mine. What would Kara say in my place? Gods of Kobol hear my prayer – strike me down where I stand. The growing heat from the revelation causes me to redden in aggravation and regret. Well I guess this can be definitely called a setback for me and my hope to define my relationship with Kara. Out of sight of anyone, I stop and lean against the wall and pinch the bridge of my nose. I feel a deep racking throb in my chest; the pressure seems to build behind my eyes, glazing my view. I wonder if I have lost it all, and then again I wonder if I ever had a chance to begin with. I need to try to fix it, and within moments I am at the door to the quarters we share.

I find her with my emotions in turmoil; my arms ache to reach out and pull her to me, not knowing if that would make it better or worse. Her eyes are glistening and she is paler than I remembered. Her arms are akimbo as if to defend herself … her heart. I take a deep breath before breaking the silence.

"How are you doing, Kara?" My voice sounds flat even to my ears and I see her hesitation. Her eyes are dark and rich; they flicker up at meand then look away.

"I'm fine, Lee - Never better, you?" Her eyes glance back up and lock onto mine as if in defiance. "She looked very nice, what's her name?" The severity in her voice shakes me and I almost forget her question as a few of my own pop into my mind. Shrugging my shoulders I step back and admit my ignorance.

"Truthfully I don't know." It was a lame response but it was the truth. I hope she accepts it as she takes a step forward closing the space between us.

"I guess you're a love `em and leave `em kinda of guy, Lee. Never thought you had it in you. Congrats." Kara shakes her head and pushes past me but I can't leave it that way. I have to tell her what really happened.

"It's not what you think, Kara. Please, we need to talk. Kara - Kara please...." It's no use and she is not in the mood to stop. I let her leave and hope to raise the subject later when she is more willing to listen. Besides, duties were calling me elsewhere - specifically the flight deck.

After visiting CIC to meet with the President, my father and Colonel Tigh, it's not much longer before I have more items on my proverbial plate: one Raptor down, one destroyed and one just barely made its way back by the skin of its teeth, and to cap it off a Basestar was over Kobol.

It's time to decide what we are going to do. Well, that was until Colonel Tigh brought up the plan Kara had approached him with. What the frack was she thinking? I know where Kara Thrace is and soon I am next to the Cylon Raider. There she is, having ignored my earlier com-system calls to her. She has to learn who the fraking boss is here. I'm angry about the insubordination sure, but I am also very scared. She doesn't seem to give a damn about her life. I finally force her to at least face me. When I go off on her about bypassing me and going to Tigh, she seems to understand what my gripe is. The fear came in when she reported her plan... It was plausible alright but she won't look me in the eye as she talks about it, including her getting away and being rescued. I'm tempted to look into the fraking Raider to see if there's an autopilot or a way for her to get clear. It was a straightforward idea and possible, but when she asks if I would miss her I almost forget we aren't alone.

The pain in her eyes... At least that's how it looks to me... it makes me flinch mentally as I tell her about how I want all my pilots to return, even the screw-ups. I can't believe I threw that into her face, when I see her regret. I have to get out of here but I hope my message has gotten through her stubborn skull. She has to return.

Walking back towards the bridge I relive those last moments. She said she was sorry, but about what? Was this about Baltar, about the woman in the rec room or about the insubordination? Stopping I look back the way I have come when something occurs me. It's all of the above; I hope she's not settling any unfinished business in anticipation. I have to talk to her. Turning to walk back to the flight deck I stop. We'll need some private time, after the auto-pilot test I'll make the time we need to talk. Continuing towards the bridge to report to my father, her face still burns in my mind as I wonder what she is thinking.

Later, I find myself on the flight deck next to my Viper. I'm supposed to be doing a pre-flight check on it, but all I can do is watch her. As if this is the last time, I inhale deeply and remind myself that it's only a test and not even a dangerous one. She looks up at me and our eyes lock together for a while. I wonder what she is thinking at this moment. Does she know what's in my mind, in my heart? Would she even care? I watch, a little disappointed, as she turns away continuing to check out her ship. All I do is stand there like an idiot watching her as if this was the last time we would ever spend time together. Ok, reality check, we are 20 feet apart. She finally climbs into the Cylon Raider and I know it's time. I glance back guiltily at my Viper as Cally walks by.

"Pre-flights are done, Captain, courtesy of your ground crew." Her youthful voice interrupts my thoughts and I look at her. She understands and that's kind of weird for me. I almost see her as a kid, but as I look at her more I know she's got more sand than most here. I thank her and the others before climbing into the cockpit. I trust them with my life and I know they have double and triple checked the pre-flight list.

Moments later, I am blasting out of the launch bay pressed tightly against my seat and hurtling towards the silvery streak that is her. The Cylon Raider makes my trigger finger itch, but it contains the most valuable thing in the universe to me. Though that begs the question about Baltar, I've known that the doctor had flirted with Kara, but nothing would have ever caused me to think that she was interested. Of course, that would mean I was in a position to truly know. I line up and close the distance between us. I imagine her there in the cockpit. I can't see inside, but I picture her there all the same. Of course if I see Baltar there might be a vacancy in the Vice President position… But that's another puzzle within the maze of this. The doctor definitely wasn't happy with Kara or me. His words, which if I credit them as being more than those of lunatic on a drinking binge with the most frakking amazing luck possible, also makes me wonder what was up.

"Apollo, Starbuck - I am ready over here." Kara's voice fills my helmet and I almost forget to answer.

"Okay Starbuck, the board is green." I wish I could say more to her, maybe take back some of the things I said or did.

"Copy that. Powering up for the auto-pilot test."

I glance at my sensors watching for any problems. I wipe the other thoughts from my head to concentrate on this. Her life could hang in the balance if I lose focus.

"This is Starbuck. Request permission to speak with Galactica actual."

Kara's request raises my eyebrows. What's up? I check my sensors but everything is still good to go. Then my sensors show the FTL drive spooling up.

"What are you doing, Kara?" I can't figure out what's happening. Was this a system problem or was this as crazy as it might seem - intentional? I can only watch as she breaks formation and pulls away from me. A second later a blue burst envelops her ship as she jumps.

Less than an hour later chaos reigns within my mind, first with Kara's unscheduled jump in the Raider towards what I found out is Caprica, then the involvement of the President in getting Starbuck to defy orders and go to Caprica, followed lastly by my father attempting what amounts to as a military coup. This has my world turned upside down and shaken violently. Already Boomer's in a Raptor heading towards certain death to try to deliver a nuke to the Basestar. Then again, here I am entering Colonial One though a hole cut into its hull. Moving purposely towards the office level of the ship the Marines led by Tigh and myself are met by the President's security force, and the President herself.

I had hoped for a miracle that it wouldn't come to this. Looking around I feel the wrongness of the situation. We can't do this, it's against everything I pledged myself to years ago. I look at the President and make my choice. Within moments I am relieved of duty by Colonel Tigh, a few seconds later I cross a line few can walk back from. I can't believe I am holding a weapon against Tigh's head. Already a couple of Marines have changed their stance and I am targeted as they ignore my instructions to lower their weapons. I have thrown everything away, much the same way as Kara has, but unlike her I don't think I will have the shield of being ordered to by the President. I hate what this will do to my father, but I must. I am not doing this for the President or for me, but for one thing besides Kara I truly believe in - my oath.

The President orders me to lower my service weapon and I am taken prisoner. The President though makes it look like it's her idea to go with them and in a way it was; she has a definite flair. In the eyes of the military, I am the worst of the two - a mutineer. This holds the possibility of death by execution.

Returning to Galactica the President and I are separated and I am stripped of my tactical gear and uniform jacket before being taken to the CIC and my father. Soon the news of Boomer's successful mission fills the room.

I am happy that Boomer made it back and completed the mission; however, it makes my crime that much more glaring and I am an example to be made of. It's weird, but I don't care at the moment. My thoughts are with Kara and I hope she is as lucky as Boomer, and I hope that at any moment I will hear her voice over the com. Then we should be able to see if there are any survivors on Kobol from the Raptor. Either way my choice will mean I will sit the remainder of my life outside of Colonial Service and possibly locked up. My life as I know it has ended.

But, that doesn't matter as long as she makes it back. She's a survivor and she has to go on. The look my father gives me is one of disappointment and betrayal and it hurts me more than I thought possible, but the deed is done.

All hell breaks loose in the time it takes Boomer to unload two rounds into Commander William Adama - my father - after he congratulates her on a mission well done. I try to move to him, my voice buried in the turmoil. I can't get close to him damn it! Eventually I am released from the Marine's grasp and scramble towards my father; Boomer is wrestled to the ground. All I can do with my hands bound in front of me is to cradle my father's head as Tigh uses both of his hands to stem the flow of blood and keep his guts in.

I plead and beg for my father to stay with me and not to die. Over and over and I hope he hears me and fights. He is a scrapper and against all odds usually comes out on top; he has to make it through this. I am pulled back as medical personnel intervene. I struggle a little against the Marines as I am soon cut off from sight of my father.

Gods no, this isn't happening. What has Boomer done?! Oh Gods, Kara! Where are you? I need you. I stop struggling as something finally occurs to me and it almost makes me let out a harsh ironic laugh. You know how it's said men marry women like their mothers; or daughters marry men like their fathers? I am in love with a woman like my father. Ironic eh? Closing my eyes, I imagine her face. Gods of Kobol, hear my prayer, please help my father make it through and heal his wounds quickly, but please bring back one Kara Thrace safely to me. Looking down at my wrists tightly secured I know even if she even is interested, there was no future for us now. Looking up, my mind whispers one thought, `Kara, please come back to me.'

Looking to my right I see my father being taken away and I rise to move to him and I feel the firm grip of the Marines holding me back then pulling me away. I push forward but more hands pull me away to take me to the brig. I look at Colonel Tigh with desperate rage filling me as I scream, "He's my father!"

Soon the Marines shove me to the side as the litter carrying my father vanishes from sight. My body tenses looking for an opening but the Marines are not taking any chances and reluctantly I am led away to the brig while Tigh fights to restore calm in the bridge and orders Boomer to an interrogation room. Moments later, I find myself in the brig with my churning thoughts. I have pushed away - and don't forget punched - the woman I love, betrayed the man who is my father, and have mutinied against the Service I have sworn to obey. For now I am a man without a home - a traitor to those who trusted me. Well, I have my ideals, but the universe is a cold lonely place where the only companion you have is a set of rules you believe that reality should be governed by.

I am alone in the darkness of my mind.

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