God Awful
Star Trek TNG-Sample

Please note: While our TNG-Sample doesn't include any adult material, the actual website does contain some adult material and is suitable for adults only.

This God Awful Star Trek TNG-Sample website is for when you've had your fill of slash, gen, and 'ship fiction (fanfic terms for various character enganglements), when you groan at the arrival of each new "Mary Sue" (a ludicrously empowered author proxy), when you find yourself wishing every story you read had been beta-ed (i.e. edited), then it's time to visit Godawful Fan Fiction, where the worst fan fiction on the Web is filleted with the hot knife of peer criticism.

- The New York Times Book Review

Picard's Illumination by Lorelei MacKenzie

This is the most Mary Sueish Mary Sue I've ever come across, and I thought I'd met them all! In this God Awful Star Trek TNG-Sample getting the basics out of the way first is crucial and will immediately scream Mary Sue. The main character's name is Commander Lorelei Cordelia MacKenzie (glance up at the author's name for a second to experience the full horror of that), our hero finds himself drawn to her for no good reason, and she's nauseatingly attractive. How attractive?

There was something about her that Picard found mesmerizing. He stared at her, trying to discern what he found so, attractive, so incredibly appealing. Was it her flawless alabaster skin, with only the *tinest* hint of a freckle on her cheek that was so lovely against it, it only added to her beauty? Was it her waves of bright auburn tresses that fell in radient splender down her back? Or was it her eyes, eyes of the deepest amber he had ever seen? This woman, he repeated to himself, this woman is… incredible.

This is a God Awful Star Trek TNG-Sample that just gets worst with each paragraph. It was actually submitted as a final piece with all of the grammar, punctuation and spelling problems unchanged. Yep, and it's also standard Mary Sue stuff, but what puts this story over the edge is what happens next. When Mar... er, Lorelei sprains her ankle on the holodeck and Picard explains that they were only "exercising" when it happened, she kills herself. With an eyelash and a bit of thumbnail. Which brings Beverly Crusher and the captain together. Look, read it for yourself if you don't believe me!

"Oh God!!!! Why??? Why Why Why???" Picard screamed in agony and fell to his knees. "Why did she do it?" he was sobbing so hard that he began to hiccup. "I (hic) loved (hic) her!"

I'm guessing that you'll be feeling a bit of agony yourself at this point in the tale. Possibly, you'll also be on your knees.

Praying for it to end.

This was one of the funniest incarnations of a God Awful Star Trek TNG-Sample I've come across in a while. Good for a real chuckle.



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